WARNING WARNING: MASSIVE WAVE OF INZANITY: WARNING!!!!! : AIR IS LIQUID INFECTION: WARNING:
AM-850 Sexual Assault Rife one-sided LP Rolling early to a gig can be problematic or amazing or a weirdo combo of both. The boyz rolled WAAAY to early to gig in Richmond VA only to get chased outta a strange bar (and sure enuff: same thing happened at the gig later at a piece of shit bar we jammed), but sometimes, rolling early into a city can be mindwrecking:
In Philly, some years ago, we rolled in hyper early and found (and waited in the van until it opened) a killer mega-bowl complex and posted up for HOURS. Brew flowing, pins knockin, no one there but the crew. RULED. After a way too long stretch of horrible double digit bowling, I wandered outside and called my main homebox PUCK to see if there was anything to peep before we roll onward to the R N R business hours. Puck thought for a second and said:
"Ya'll already busted that cheesesteak local spot...so...if you feel up to something REALLY intense...naw...forget about it..."
"Naw man, f-that- what is it?"
"Well, I had a super heavy sess there, if you feel up to the internal challenge: its right by the bowling alley- hit up JONATHAN & SUZIE's PSYCHIC SHACK"
Blown away by the prospects, I hung up, put out my cigarette on the bottom of my Red Wings, straightened up my coat and walked two blocks to the spot.
After finding it easily enuff, I rolled into the lobby and was first shocked by the decor on the walls: intense blood-sex-soaked paintings of zombies and horrible gore all done with the perfection of a pro graphic artist. Whoa! What did PUCK roll me to? Is he getting me black for the time I spilled pink clothes dye on his fav jersey? This place is too strange. I rang the bell, signed in on the sheet, and waited in silence in an empty lobby staring at a painting of a zombie chewing an ear of a bikinied lady. Tired from the brew session at the bowling alley and arm aching from trying to get the ball speed cam up to 87 mph on the lanes, I dosed off.
Feeling a slight nudge on my elbow I perked up and met JONATHAN, a huge welcoming dude with long blond hair and a SWANS "MONEY" tour long sleeve shirt and followed him into the reading room. I was ah...psyched!! I came into the small black room, shook hands with SUZIE, who was decked out a TG shirt, also long sleeve and was ready for the reading...
The magical couple stared at me for what seemed like 15 minutes and then nodded to each other and said, almost in unison:
"I see you are from Michigan, and therefore are probably uncomfortable with a very personal reading."
"Ah, right on." I said, thinking to myself that Puck had found a player a PERFECT spot.
After another stretch of awkward but easy silence Suzie said:
"Well, you have a gig tonight, how about a glimpse into the future, not you, but what the world be like in say 10,000 years?"
"Man, whoa, hit me up!!!!"
"First, put both yr finger tips into this small pot and close yr eyes. There will be no words spoken but you feel the future, good or bad..."
Feeling the energy for a new situation and also the coming excitement of telling Puck/the boys about my PSYCHIC SHACK experience, I rolled up my sleeve, and put my fingers into the warm oily magic liquid and sneaked off...
What happened next or rather what I experienced just can be put into INZANE words. The future was: INTENSE.... fully of evil machines grinding onward on terror business, clangs disappearing into space, huge planets full of strange sounds delay into the deep atmosphere. It was strange, horrible, and super ace all at the same time. Man was I stoked.
So I walked out with Suzie and Jonathan, mind blown/shown by the future, ready for the present and ready to thank the crub outta my main man PUCK for the psychic tip. As I was walking out the door, Suzie says,
"Wait I forgot something... Here is a box of 100 records that was the soundtrack to that evil future.... we had em pressed while you were out cold, live at that studio that did the CRUDE PA comps...."
"OMG- no way...the sounds...were...too much.... and on wax????"
Jonathan says, firmly: "Yeah man, and jamm it at any speed, I know yr crew digs that...slower the better...cant be slow enuff....." And then stared at the floor.......
"Well, we know NONE of yr crew will believe you so here is some proof to show em...."
So here it is. TRUE STORY, yo. THE FUTURE...10,000 yrs from now.... SEXUAL ASSAULT RIFLE. ON WAX. Edition 100, handmade covers, numbered. $15
AM-855 V/A "Sunday Matinee @ The Frying Pan" one-sided LP w/Connelly & The Machines, Body Morph, Hive Mind, Dog Lady & Drainolith / So the other day, me and my lab buddy supreme Scott were knee f'in deep in trying to find out if a huge craggly motor was delta or wye three phase connected, and needless to say, was NOT having luck. It was a one of them RAW bologna built motors that has wire numbers, but its pointless cause its all on its own weirdo system. Whatever. So as usual, we shot the shit.
"What’s up this weekend man?"
"Not much, got a killer afternoon gig at the spot on Sunday...."
"What’s a gig?"
"Ah.... I’m having some of my weirdo friends over to make ah.... music...."
"You make music?"
"Would you ever play a 'gig' for the troops?"
"We should get black to that motor...I think I know the lead wires now..."
"Well, I can’t come over, I gotta fix my tires on my hunting jeep, but you know what would rule Olson?"
"If you would press that jammer on wax, mix all the tracks together into one inzane mess and sent it to Smith out west to press...."
"Man, you might be on to something"
"Make it one long one-sider with a lock groove, I mean shit...that’s how I remember gigs anyway.... and just use a flyer for the cover!!!"
So I took Scott's advice. Took the killer matinee jam, got out the scalpel, mixed everything together seamless inzane style, book ended it with an EVIL Hive Mind loop and boosh!!!! Pressed gig memory!!!! So it's just like a gig, except you don’t have KNOX MITCHELL's dad dropping you off or Collino spilling brews everywhere or your secret recipe INZANE CHILLI remains burning up in the bottoms of an empty crock pot. Oddly, not a peep of crew-audience noise to be found. Dog Lady played acoustic string scrape, Dan Body jammed reed universe from the uneven side (and then BLASTED Disclose and Firmeza 10 in the jamm room), Drainolith is my main man Alex K from Montreal and kept it uber real with amazing synth scramble, live from yep, THE BASEMENT. Greh said he did a cover of THE SHINING but I’ve never seen that mini-series. Dead Machines and Connelly jammed magical pixie flutes, infected metal scrape and vocals from an eerie afternoon lagoon. Like an endless gig, ...you gotta SIT THRU THE WHOLE THING...in one inzane memory blurr surpreme....Record ends with an EVIL Hive Mind lock groover, endless...party.... forever.... Was a blast, more of this style to come. And BYOB!!! There are three party stores right in the hood, duh!!! 2pm SHARP!!!> Edition of 100 in handmade recycled sleeves, numbered. $15
AM-856 Invasion Status & Body Morph "Horns of Slow Internal Kaos"Split c90 / Haunted Dan, what a weirdo. One grey afternoon on a heavy porch session of jammin 45's and killin tall boys, High Def Haunted Dan pulls a tape outta the couch and says:
"Shit- Forgot about this one: Couple days ago when I thought I was feeling better after a heavy flu period, late at night after watching the entire first session of DAMAGES, it was four in the morn and I tried jammin solo sax while listening to Queen's soundtrack to Flash Gordon on headphones. It turned out super weird...its only one side, so pass it along to that Invasion Status dude next time you see him in Farwell to bust the other side..."
So I jammed the tape, you cant hear the Flash Gordon creepin through, or can you hear Khrust telling him to STOP and throwing a months worth of Jimmy Johns wrappers at him, but its totally weirdo flu-infect reed lonely sprawl howl....amazing...late night, reeds, alone, sick...damages...weird. The Invasion Status side has more diff reeds creeping thru but fuck, who can tell...a flowing miasma of acoustic reed feedblack spare shriek.... strange and creeping. I asked that dude to do a gig but he says he only plays for insects, cats and passing cars. Whatever dude, just asking...Color Covers. Numbered edition of 30. $7
AM-859 Lady Spyke (Dog Lady + Spykes) "Transfused By Pool Water" cd / It was a normal Saturday, got up at 8 a.m., tooled around, popped on me sweat pants and Deathbag workout shirt, czeched the Fitness USA website to make sure it wasn’t shut down again for another maniac attack of some old freaker geezer leaving deer intestines in a gym locker for three days on some uber-vile payback scheme... Headed out the door at 11 a.m., stopped by the coin car wash for a quick vac-thru on the blueshawk and got an URGENT text message from homebox collino;
"ZONE: IN THE BACK YARD: HAVE TO JAM FAST: GONNA HURL"
What??? What day is this? Shit: The Lady Dog was up in this for the afternoon. So, hurriedly: finished vac. job. Busted home to only find a paler Collino gasping in the driveway, shaking. ....Turns out him and the maniac youth crew (Khrust, Haunted Dan, and some dude who is always trying to prove how weird he is) went to a monster truck show in Redford the prior night, and Collino, already tanked from a heavy karaoke session, got into a MASSIVE ashtray eating contest with some goons from Port Huron and, from the mouth of Collino.
"Dunno Man....I asked some rotten chicken meat that was festering in a ashtray that I didn’t see and I feel like my stomach is made of sweet & sour lake oil...lets jam quick so I can go home and die in peace.... ugghhhh...."
So we rolled in, had a super queasy sweat pants and hand-over-mouth-to-stop-puke violin & tapes session live in the Inzane Studios. Was super slow and gross, like watching the unedited birth cut from Rosemary's Baby, the part where the devil baby comes out in what looks like a mane of Hardees garage. Killer session, poor Collino. Dude bounced ASAP. Can’t blame him. Color covers. Edition of 50. $7
AM-860 Graveyards "Relocated Cooling Towers" one-sided LP / What is up with the mail these days? Sometimes you get the weirdest things. Are "Dog Missing" flyers illegal now? Seems like it, cause just the other Tuesday I lurched out to check the daily box to see if my new copies of DIRGE or EVIL MINDED shown up yet, and there was this lone LP resting there. Had a post it note stuck to it that read:
"PLEASE HELP: OUR CREATURE THING HAS VANISHED. WE SUSPECT THE WORST. WE CANNOT GIVE DETAILS ON THE THINGS/ANIMAL OR HAVE ANY PICTURES< BUT WE DO HAVE RECORDINGS OF IT IN "ACTION". PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS RECORD (at any speed) AND CALL 237 - 4568 IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON OUR MISSING CREATURE. AND RETURN MY STAMPS- THANKS- YR NEIGHBORHOOD LOOSE ANIMAL CULTURE CENTER"
Shaking my head, thinking how I just got a killer local platter to add to the animal sounds/droll Yankee/ chooltch industry recordings sections and put the record on.
Well, it seems like they are never gonna find this thing cause it SOUNDS like a super shy version of that horrible creature in the twilight zone flick that tries to scare the passengers and eat the plane. But this "Thing" hangs out in empty hangers and lightly scrapes its torn and rotten fingernails across HUGE rusty industrial size fans at 3am in a creaking wet unlit corner. Who would want this in their house? Sounds from this animal are rare, seems like this LP has like three light rustlings and the THING is gonzo, moved on...just like a ghost trace of it... good luck to them.
After jamming the "MISSING CREATURE" lp on every speed my numark can handle, I IM chatted fellow animal sound lp vet DILLOWAY and told him about the new local style missing thing section, and he said energetically:
"Dude, you should quick like go around the neighborhood and grip all those lps and put em out, don’t get busted say it's...I dunno... GRAVEYARDS or something..."
FUCK!!! Killer idea. So here it is - all the LPs from District 176 Howard St./Frandor with NO INFO and a crude handmade painted sleeve like from the hairy mitts of the said MISSING ANIMAL itself. If you find this THING.... shit, record it and do a FOLLOW UP. And leave it in yr NEIGHBORS mailbox. UUUGGHHHHHHHH. Title taken from a super tuff blueprint question from my Blueprint Reading 112 class last fall. Edition of 100. Inzane handpainted recycled covers, each one uber-unique. $15 MISSING!!! THING!!! RECORDED!!!
AM-861 Birth Refusal "Summer Acoustic" cd / Connelly & Oldzone Refusal Unit: Two complete gigs from the mid summer tour with Uneven Universe, Evenings & Hive Mind. All acoustic, no amps, no electricity, nothing. Horrible scrape, empty litter containers with glass, bottle caps, metal, reeds, acoustic clutter supreme. One set from Gabe's killer Toledo Den of Death, the other from the amazing GOOD STYLE shop in Madison. Killer tour, ended in the woods jammin THE CHIEFTANS x 2 45s on 3rpm. Summer simmer acoustic. Racket to rocket to uncharted ear trails. Color Covers. $7
AM-862 V/A "ELI the ICE man" W/ Full Scales, Spykes & Pool Water / Is the Voltages Leads in Inductance or Induction leads Current in Capacitance??? Huh? Always forget this easy breeze system code to know which is leading in the Induct/Capt current game...Yeah: three tracks of attack:
Full Scales: Live at Aries assault party from last Pan gig in April last year. Mega Hammond organ live in the basement.
Spykes: Terrible tones tacked onto a tapestry of mangled inzanity thru a crazed mental plane. Horrible.
Pool Water: Dog Lady, Connelly, Zone Force- live in the Comfort zone and on a trial leading to hiding places. Violin, flute, guitar = mixed together for an uncomfortable loose skin dangling in the dry wind.
Three long tracks of ZEAL-ish style. Triple ack attack. Cover covers, numbered: $7
AM-863 Spykes "Resting Houses: Live" 2 c90, 2 cd, poster boxset / Recent winter recordings from this long time psycho sound project. Uncensored home terror, tons of instruments, daily style lurking, afternoon electronics. Like Hendrix's LORD OF THE STRINGS bootleg double lp, pressing with Elmer’s glue, recut, played backwards on one of those expensive Numark DJ turntables to an audience of static lint. Sprawling set of language INZANITY. Like doing FEEBLACK homework on tablets made of hardened salt. Handmade electronics, instruments that worked for minutes, dying things, things that should be exterminated, tones drenched in the saliva of 10000000 yrs of sewn mouths. Sci-Fi from an imploding 2D sound world. Packaged in a handpainted recycled box, numbered edition of 30. $25
AM-871 National Memory Day "Air As Liquid Infection" c90 / After a debut of two tapes packaged in the most horrible doll imaginable, this new returns with more lurking tape sound and creeping low electronics. Name taken from a committee in Lansing that meets once a month, goes over complex mathematics and historical dates, and then re-meets three weeks later to see what stuck in the minds of the troupe. After a common agreement is met on what important aspects are collectively remembered, the group makes new math and new histories based on what is NOT remembered. Super weird crew; way underground but catching members by the day. Its like they are recreating a new reality based on the murk of forgotten details. Apparently they are having a gig in May, cant wait. Color Covers in Inzane colored slipcase style edition of 30. $7
AM-872 VA "Mixed Above Emotions" C90 w/ Dwelling Unit, Madness, Influx, Immune Future Problems, First Responder, Cripple Crime's Triangle / Massive new comp of all short tracks of all sorts of styles. Weirdo flow, new blood, all heated and raw. Mysterious Island swamped and flanked in all sides by a tidal wave of consuming statics. More to come from each of these creatures, stirring and pacing in a sound cell waiting and plotting to bust out. Color covers, slip case. $7
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next: VOM GRILL lp, DOG DICK lp, other gooferz.....
STAY/SLAY/PAR-TY = INZANE!!!!